The Sound of silence #774
04/14/2023 05:22:00 PM
Rabbi Irwin Huberman
Author | |
Date Added | |
Automatically create summary | |
Summary |
The Sound of silence
On December 29, 2011, I decided to attend the funeral in Montreal—of a rabbinical colleague’s mother, who happened to be the late-life companion of my uncle.
It seemed like the right thing to do.
What better way to comfort both my close friend and my uncle than to drive seven hours through the Adirondacks across the Canadian border and attend the 11 am service?
I left Glen Cove well before dawn and felt very proud that I made it in time. But I was not congratulated on the speed of my journey.
I approached my uncle minutes before the funeral began and offered my condolences, something to the effect of, “I’m so sorry.”
But rather than nod or acknowledge my presence, he began to strenuously wag his finger at me. I originally thought that his reaction was connected to his sadness.
And then I remembered what I had forgotten.
According to Jewish tradition, immediately after someone’s passing, we refrain from any act requiring a mourner to respond. We are told to leave that person alone within their personal reflections for the first three days.
It is such a simple but meaningful teaching.
These days, being a mourner has become increasingly difficult. People are so used to engaging in conversation.
“Were they sick for a long time?”
“She is in a better place.”
“Is there anything I can do?
Let me tell you how I felt when my father died.”
Too often mourners tell me they cannot wait for their shiva period to end so that they can finally focus on their feelings of loss.
How interesting that one of the most realistic examples of this need for silence and introspection comes up in this week’s Torah portion.
As the Parashat Shemini opens, there is reason to celebrate. Moses calls upon his brother Aaron and sons to perform sacrifices around the newly dedicated sanctuary.
But something goes wrong.
Aaron’s sons, Nadav and Avihu, go off script and begin to perform their own unauthorized rituals. And soon after, they are struck down and die.
There are many interpretations of why this occurred, and what message the Torah is trying to send. But what our tradition is sure about is the response of Aaron—the boys’ father.
Says the Torah, “And Aaron was silent.” (Leviticus 10:3)
In today’s terms, as we relate to this biblical story, we could well ask, “How is this possible?” In a world where every emotion and life event is routinely shared on social media, wouldn’t it have made sense for Aaron to offer a prayer or public words of grief?
Instead, he remains silent and soon after, upon the encouragement of Moses, goes back to work.
Rabbi Simcha Raphael, author of Jewish Views of the Afterlife, writes about the reaction of a parent to the loss of a child, “It takes a long time for the grief to soften.”
Friends, we have just completed one of the most precious family times of the year. We have celebrated Passover with those close to us.
For those of us who remember Seders past, Passover also serves as a time to remember the old melodies, traditions and voices who once sat around the table with us.
When I visit my parents in Toronto, I frequently pause to look at a crystal chandelier hanging in their dining room—the same one that once glowed above my grandparents’ Seder table.
I often recall the political and social discussions that raged around that table as I grew up during the 1960s. Current generations don’t always share that sense of nostalgia, so often we remember those times—in silence.
The pain of our losses has softened over the years, but it remain silently within us.
This week’s Torah portion inspires us to consider that sometimes all we need is silent time to process our loss and embrace our memories.
Notes Rabbi Raphael: “We live in a culture which feels we must fix everything right away—when what we really need is more patience.” It was Rabbi Raphael‘s mother whose funeral I attended that morning.
And as we approach the first anniversary of the passing of my uncle Solly, I remember that day many years ago.
My uncle was very direct in his belief that Jewish tradition should be followed to the “T.” It is a lesson that—during the past 12 years—has served me well.
Often, we must refrain from words, and from trying to “fix” the grief of someone we care for.
Rather, let us dedicate ourselves to true “listening,” which—inspired by this week’s Torah portion—teaches that sometimes we need to walk without words alongside someone who is in pain.
Thousands of years after the passing of Nadav and Avihu, I still feel for Aaron. And so should we, as we seek to comfort those around us. For each of us heals in different ways.
We—as comforters—can do the most good by listening to the sounds that are not always vocalized by those in pain.
They echo in the wells of silence.
Shabbat shalom, v’kol tuv.
Rabbi Irwin Huberman
Fri, September 29 2023
14 Tishrei 5784
Rabbi's Last 50 E-Sermons
Moses' Final Lesson: It's Like Rain #795
Friday, Sep 22 5:39amThe Essence of Judaism #794
Friday, Sep 8 3:29pmGod Is Not Santa Claus #793
Friday, Sep 1 6:03pmRemembering the Gift Card #792
Friday, Aug 25 4:59pmDoes God Pull the Strings? #791
Friday, Aug 18 3:44pmZaidie and the Two Dollar Bill #790
Friday, Aug 11 3:50pmVoices at the Western Wall #788
Friday, Jul 28 6:06pmYad Vashem: A Personal Memory #787
Friday, Jul 21 2:01pmConversations In A Jeruselum Cab #786
Friday, Jul 14 4:50pmDebates "In the Name of Heaven" #784
Friday, Jun 23 6:12pmThe Power of Believing in Yourself #783
Friday, Jun 16 6:07pmThe Power of Light #782
Friday, Jun 9 5:40pmThe Most Famous Blessing of All #781
Friday, Jun 2 2:03pmYour "Other" Marriage Contract #780
Tuesday, May 30 12:20pmEchoes of Michael Jackson #779
Friday, May 19 5:03pmThe Legacy of Lesley Sue Goldstein #778
Friday, May 12 5:12amEye for an Eye: Leaving Revenge Behind #777
Friday, May 5 5:09pmHogan's Heroes, Israel & the Holocaust #776
Friday, Apr 28 3:39pmThe Sound of silence #774
Friday, Apr 14 5:22pmPassover: Eating from the Kid's Menu #773
Friday, Apr 7 1:43pmPassover After the Plague #772
Friday, Mar 31 5:19pmLife: We are Never Done #771
Friday, Mar 24 5:17pmWhat is YOur Exocus Story #770
Friday, Mar 17 5:32pmLosing our patience #769
Friday, Mar 10 6:08pmWe Never Lose Hope #768
Friday, Mar 3 3:09pmWhere Does God Actually Live #767
Friday, Feb 24 4:11pmSlavery in the toraH #766
Friday, Feb 17 5:45pmTaking the lord's name in vain? #765
Friday, Feb 10 5:04amSerach- The Torah's Forgotten Leader #764
Friday, Feb 3 5:11pmAdding FUn to judaism #763
Friday, Jan 27 4:56pmFeeling Like an Imposter #762
Friday, Jan 20 4:55pmWomen Breaking The Rules #761
Friday, Jan 13 5:29pmHow And Why We Bless The Children #760
Friday, Jan 6 4:24pmThe Start of Anti-Semitism #759
Friday, Dec 30 5:09pmJoseph's FaceTime #758
Friday, Dec 23 4:30pmWho We Tell Our Dreams To #757
Friday, Dec 16 6:06pmMoney and Happiness #756
Friday, Dec 9 5:25pmGod on the High Seas #755
Friday, Dec 2 2:00pmThe Man With The Mop #754
Friday, Nov 25 4:30pmHospitality—and the Fort McMurray Miracle #753
Friday, Nov 18 6:06pmKindness—Acting Like God #752
Friday, Nov 11 6:00pmWhat is Your Family's Story? #751
Friday, Nov 4 6:21pmKanye West: Where are the Voices? #750
Friday, Oct 28 2:23pmEvil and Life's Cartoons #749
Friday, Oct 21 6:34pmWho Wrote The Torah? #748
Friday, Oct 14 5:42pmMoses Says Goodbye: Three Parting Messages #747
Friday, Oct 7 5:38pmReturning To Our Innocence #746
Friday, Sep 30 6:21pmJudaism: Not That Complicated #745
Friday, Sep 23 5:09pmWhere Is Your Promised Land? #744
Friday, Sep 16 5:16pmGrowing Up With The Queen #743
Friday, Sep 9 5:40pmUpdate this content.